We are being taken over. They are everywhere. Up the high street, in ur local supermarket, even walking past your house. The It-Mum.
They are the kind of women that you can't help but envy. The kind of women you can't help but secretly despise inside. Why? Because they show you what you should be. It's not realistic of course, but it doesn't mean you don't feel that way!
You see them, with thier top of the range pushchairs, and thier OiOi change bags and their cute little kiddies dressed in designer gear, but this is NOT why you hate them. Oh no. You hate THEM. How on earth a mother can get up in a morning, and by the time they have make bottles, cleaned up, scraped the baby rice off the kitchen wall, how can they actually be bothered to make themselves look like they have just walked out of a beauty salon?! Its beyond me!
Now I know that a lot of mothers 'make and effort'. It goes without saying, but most of them still have that slightly exhausted shadow floating behind them. To me, that is normal. Its expected. Its part of the life you sacrifice when you first see those little pink lines on the pregnancy test.
But no, It-mums walk around in their skinny topshop jeans and boots, with thier perfectly styled locks, manicured nails and flawless complexion. And even tho they probably aren't, you feel like they are looking at you and laughing! Christ, it was a lot of effort just to actually pry a comb through your own birds-nest barnet this morning, never mind attack yourself with a blowdryer and straightners! But it doesnt stop at 'admiring' there attire does it?! You know that underneath thier perfectly pressed outfits they are sporting a delicious emsemble of Hot Milk underwear and a skillfully preened bikini line also. Of course you dont actually know this. But it doesnt stop you thinking it! (It does help to imagine them wearing a massive pair of bridget-jones' and a washed out wireless bra)
You can guarantee that whenever you look your worst, you will run into EVERYONE. Its an unwritten rule. Even I have taken steps to ensure that everytime I go to Asda i have a full face of make-up on and am not wearing my usual staples of jogging bottoms and a vest top. But why does it become less 'acceptable' the older your baby gets? Everyone expects you to look dishevelled and sleep deprived in the first few weeks, hell, its expected that you will. And if for some reason you don't, you're not seen as 'normal'. I found myself fairly 'together' after Ericas birth, but a year or so down the line is when I found myself at my most exhausted. But by that point, people expect you to be used to it, so a sudden drop in appearance suddenly means youve dropped your standards. When they are there. Just hidden. Because you have more to do that worry about the size of your pores in a morning.
Maybe the reason we hate these It-mums so much isnt them, maybe its our own insecurities coming out in the form of jealousy. Because even tho you'd hate to admit it, thats what it is. You are completely and utterly jealous. So, you tell yourself it is them who MUST have help and maybe a live-in nanny, to make yourself feel better. After all, physical appearance isn't based on happiness.
So, walk tall, and proud, you may be unkempt, but your a brilliant mother!! After all, if these women are spending so much time on thier appearance, they must spend less time on thier babies! Ok, thats not exactly true, but bugger it, it makes me feel a whole lot better!